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[edit] MY BRO IS SUCH AN IDIOT! D: [/edit]

anyway whoa in the blink of an eye, first week of term 4 is over.

weird man.

waking up early (7am) to go out to study over the september holidays was a really strange experience (seeing that im such a pig and would sleep til 10plusplus if i could) but benefited me quite a bit.

made me realise how unfocused i am studying at home.

ho hum.

cos loads of things get me down nowadays. sometimes i wonder if anyone else feels it too. those days when everyone seems so far away, and somehow you feel isolated, and distant, and empty. and you wanna cry but it won't come out. (gosh i sound like an EMO. but you probably never feel that huh.)

once you walk away i feel like i dont know you.

i've also realised that the only thing keeping me going these days are my best friends, who are the awesomest shits ever. (sigh especially my BFOTWS! i know you won't read this, but there's so much i wanna tell you! all the stupid things that are driving me crazy, and all my screwed up problems, you understand the best. mehh, i miss hanging out with you.)

tough times, tough times.
what is love? is it reaching out for your hand in the darkness? feeling safe in your presence? wanting to hold on forever?... crying hysterically when you turn and walk out?
i wanna know what it's like
on the inside of love.

my computer lags like an old lady.

im serious.


god what's wrong with the internet nowadays! it takes a hundred billion years to load anything. why do i not remember my com ever being this slow? maybe my memory's just bad.

im bored. i'd like to say i've buried myself in books all weekend but the truth is im kinda tired :/ (screwed up so many papers last week; compo, social studies, lit...)

so i kinda slacked. haha whooops. but doesnt everyone? DONT JUDGE ME. RAHHH. (dont judge me for not going church either D: see when it rains i tend to wake up late. cos duh, no sun! i totally need the sun to wake up, which makes me kinda like a plant, doesn't it? hmm.)

oh and i watched some reruns of singapore idol during the time i was slacking, and MAN that show sucks shit.

i mean

a) you have this 3 morons attempting to sort out the talented from the useless, waving their pens around like wands (ok thats just dick) (heh heh that sounds funny. dick.) (but i digress), crying at scenes that arent even touching, walking away when some weirdos singing with his eyes closed, then coming back like 2 seconds later (making a scene, much?) frowning, etc etc.

besides the fact that moron A is a musical "genius" (well ok, i mean he's iconic in singapore's music scene, but frankly i dont know a thing about dick lee's music), well um, what do moron B and C do exactly?

like seriously, any MORON can do their job. even fiona xie.

and gosh, the comments they give? (bringing me to point b)

b) its a singing competition. why do you have to criticize their style and looks and whatever else? "um, im not sure about your image. im thinking about your fanbase, which will probably be small cos you're so hideous blah blah blah i wanna look far-sighted and all clever"

isnt the whole point of singapore idol to groom talent? not to judge people's fashion sense. not that the judges have any. (yeah im talking to you, kenny) if they were perfect they wouldnt have to join the competition right?

c) the judges take singapore idol WAY too seriously. i mean its like "you were late. what's more important, your life, or this show? you totally have no commitment, this shows you cant be a star because singers like madonna and britney spears are NEVER late, are they? omg get out of my sight man you are not worthy of being in my presence (gives bored ugly black face)"

or "you had a stomach ache? YEAH RIGHT YOU ARE TOTALLY LYING TO MY FACE, I HATE YOU I HATE YOU STOP LYING TO ME. GET OUT OF HERE, BITCH!"

looks like someone's underwear's a bit too tight.


anyway the contestants are pretty awesome this season. i support the plumpish girl whose name i do not know. HER VOICE PWNS ALL.

haha ok i shall go do something productive now. instead of being annoyed at ken lim for being such a douche.


(I WANT AN APPLE GREEN JACKET FOR MY IPOD TOUCH. does such a thing exist?)



hello love,
what's it like up there?

I'm slacking oh no. Go study go study go study! says my brain. But do I listen? No! Instead I slack and meddle with other people's laptops and explore touch screen functions. Oh oh oh praise God for B3!!! For Chinese!!! There's a miracle working here I just know it :D Heh heh. Ok I shall stop slacking once and for all. Buh bye!

CHINESE O LEVEL RESULTS ARE COMING OUT ON WEDNESDAY. man im so scared. keep dreaming im gonna fail. omg omg omg.

pray for me? :/



and guess what, I GAINED WEIGHT. UGH!

so gross. must be that huge bag of lays classic. omg i love lays. should never have bought it, but oh well. yum yum yum classic is the best flavour ever. i can literally eat a whole bag of that! (and have done so numerous times before at sleepovers and such hahaha)

my tummy's growling thinking about lays chips. omg. so hungry.


anyway everyone's trying to convince me to go for graduation night. (except ms jacob of course. she's probably darn glad that she won't have to see my uglae face at prom. well yay you.) i really dont see the point though. "they say your name and you walk in! its very fun!" hmmm not a very convincing argument. "its your last day with the class leh." yeah, like we dont spend every single day stuck in school together already. (i wish they'd give us next week off to study prelims!) "the food wasnt that bad!" doesnt mean this year's food's gonna be good right!
but you know the real reason im not going, dont you.
$80 is so not worth it. plus i'd probably have to buy a fancy dress that i wouldnt be able to wear to any other event other than weddings and proms, plus shiny shoes, do make up, and gosh do up my horrid hair (that hasnt grown much at all D: sadly) and everything would probably add up to $400? (sorry la my estimation sucks, CANNOT AH.)

no way, jose! (i was gonna type "hose". oops.)


problem is, i havent told my mom i plan to not go for graduation night. and she'll probably freak out. say it's gonna be a very memorable night. worth the money. thank the teachers. very fun. shouldnt miss it. blah blah blah. and she'll probably force me to go.

which is why i never planned to tell her! except now im supposed to produce a parent's letter telling the school im not going? what gives! its MY decision not to attend prom. why do i need a parent's letter? its like deciding not to celebrate your birthday what. YOU DONT NEED PERMISSION TO DO THAT. god, whats wrong with these people?


tsk.


anyway, to whoever reads my blog, be my witness.

i promise to go to church this week!


throw away what you say
then watch it all wash away.

feeling pretty screwed up.





why's it so hard to pick up again?

HAPPY 44TH BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

YAYYYYYY.

i realised, no matter how annoying singapore can be, with the no chewing gum rule, and the kiasuism, and the chionging into the bus/mrt what selfish rude ahlian ahbeng noisy SPGs dripping water from hanging your clothes no freedom of speech blah blah blah, i still love singapore! :DDDDDDDD

there's no other country i'd rather stay in, no other nation i'd rather be part of.


COUNT ON ME SINGAPOREEEE.



hahaha.

and you know the best thing about singapore?

NO GUNS LAW.

i tell you there's no safer place on this earth.

yay <3



on a totally unrelated note, i watched UP! :D in all its BIGSCREEN GLORY. awesomeawesomeawesome! and though i've watched it like 4 times alr it can still make me cry at the front. sooooo sweet. the second half is a bit lame, but still.


"good afternoon, my name is russell, and i am a wilderness explorer..."

RUSSELL'S SO CUTE :D YAY SEE WHY I LIKE THE NAME RUSSELL :D hahaha so yes, go watch it all who havent watched it yet.

hmm what else is new.

oh yes i got twitter, under weiqing's influence. so yeah.


yay :D


ok shall go back to watching the NDP. (on tv D: sighhh)

blergh. im braindead today. braindead.

dont ask me why im blogging so often all of a sudden.

I DONT KNOW.

supposed to take a picture for connexio, cos i awesomely didnt go to school on friday. but then but then but then

I CANT FIND MY CAMMIE.

how do i take a picture without a camera!! noooo.

huaichyn helped me come up with things to pose with:

a) hug a tree~~                                           

b) hold an apple (think twilight)                    

c) wear SKII mask                                         

hmmm.

when you get a 4 day mc, you expect to make full use of your time at home

but what did i do?


slept, ate, slept, slept, ate, slept, ate, slept.


GOODNESS, JINGYI. YOU'RE FREAKING IN SEC4! THERE ISN'T TIME TO WASTE A WHOLE WEEK OF SCHOOL AT HOME SLEEPING.

oh man i am sooo screwed. missed like 5 tests and SO MUCH work that the class went through in those few days.

in case anyone is wondering, im not much better :/ my throat feels DISGUSTINGGG. my oesophagus feels like its swelling up a thousand times its size and secreting digestive enzymes (your oesophagus doesnt secrete enzymes you dipwad) that are slowly dissolving its muscular walls. peristalsis hurts like a bitch. curse those wave-like rhythmic contractions that almost suffocate me when my phlegm-congested passageway constricts. 

(did i mention i missed this week's bio test too?)

i can practically cry trying to swallow.

on the bright side i've stopped hallucinating and my fever went away. so yes, yay me.


i realised i havent blogged about my outing with THA! yes my awesomest best friend came back to singapore 2 weeks ago :D (for only 6 days though. WHY SO UNFAIR)

and SADLY we didnt do as much shopping as i'd hoped because SOMEBODY splurged $140 on an oh-so-pretty dress. yes ok the dress was gorgeous, but really really ex! got pretty desperate so i bought this gayish high waisted skirt. but oh well, at least i bought something. that day was also the first time i've ever seen daphne in a dress. YES, daphne shih. and amazingly, she looked ok! it was really surreal. ahahaha.

anyway tha and or wenyi probably uploaded pictures on facebook. didnt camwhore too much though, we were never the camwhore-y sort (unlike AHEMchengyiAHEM) but yes was very very high that week, understandably.

now i gotta wait another year to see short stuff, and hopefully she'll be taller by then.


and thanks to nat, i suddenly feel like watching the swan princess. hahaha.

cracked.


broken.


shattered.


destroyed.



those were the only words i could think about today.





(insert long, dramatic pause for enhanced emo-ness)







my poor baby, i didnt mean for this to happen ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ):




in other, less saddening news

hillsongs was way awesome. but for now im not gonna talk about it.



"a faggot is a male maggot."

crawl into your bed and put salt in your wound


my toes itch. oh no no no.


my fortune teller tells me itching toes are a tell tale sign telling me to tell my doctor they itch.

oh whatever, but they really do itch! tis very disturbing :/



im incredibly tired. so so so tired. like i could sleep 2310 years before ever waking up. but even when i close my eyes they feel very much opened. and my brain keeps going and going and i cant stop it (cos it would be like standing in front of the MRT train and screaming "STOOOOOOOOP YOU!" but will it stop? NO it will crush you flat.) and i see a hundred things, things i dont wanna see happen, things i wish i did. so i lose sleep, because i'm frightened. because it's frightening not to be able to control the thoughts that come. because they're of things i want to pretend dont exist anymore.and the hours fly by and i've done nothing and i feel like im dreaming because there's nothing happening at all.

but time doesnt wait for me. and life hath no mercy. because when i finally do sleep, it's time to wake up to the world again.



there's good days and bad days.

i want more good days please!